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Pun Laoghaire

PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 11:58 pm
by Micheál
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

Re: Pun Laoghaire

PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 11:59 pm
by Micheál
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

Re: Pun Laoghaire

PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 12:00 am
by Micheál
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

Re: Pun Laoghaire

PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 12:01 am
by Micheál
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

Re: Pun Laoghaire

PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 12:01 am
by Micheál
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

Re: Pun Laoghaire

PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 12:03 am
by Micheál
A vulture boards a Ryanair plane carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

Re: Pun Laoghaire

PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 12:05 am
by Micheál
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

Re: Pun Laoghaire

PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 12:06 am
by Micheál
A fella sent ten puns to the discussion board in the hope that
at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Re: Pun Laoghaire

PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 1:22 am
by grammer
next


leave your name and details at the door on the way out
we will be in touch - :mrgreen:

aghhhhhh
moroccan woodbines are not as good they were :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
cheap eastern european stuff -

:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

Re: Pun Laoghaire

PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 3:30 pm
by Toss
Jonjo was 41 yrs old and still living with ma and pa on the farm in Cavan. He was tractor mad and tractor parts everywhere around the farm and the house. He had tractor weekly on order from the village shop and posters of tractors all over his bedroom wall.

This day, ma says to pa ...... its about time Jonjo got a girlfriend, he's not getting any younger and cant afford to keep feeding him and buying him those magazines. Pa smiled and said 'but you know he only loves tractors and never goes out'. They decided that Pa would have to bring Jonjo down to the local dance next week and set him up with a young one.

Next Saturday afternoon, Ma tells Jonjo that his Pa is bringing him out to have a man to man talk over a few pints. The pair head off and Ma waits patiently, she eventually falls asleep only to be woken by Da stumbling in the door at midnight. Well she says, wheres Jonjo and what happened ... dont tell me he's outside playing with his feckin tractors at this hour of the night. Pa looked up and said, you'll never believe it but he met a girl and danced the night away. With that, Jonjo came in sweating and smiling .... I'm off to bed he said and Im heading out to the pictures tomorrow so dont bother with me tea.

Things are great, Jonjo is a changed man and six weeks later he announces hes getting married. Ma and Pa are delighted and the wedding reception is planned for the local pub with the Ceile Band doing the music. As the big day approached, Ma kept naggin at Jonjo to clear out all his tractor stuff as she and Pa dreamed of getting their home back to normal ..... but Jonjo was not even listening. So the night before the wedding, Ma tells pa that shes had enough of all the tractors stuff around the place and that it has to go. So they load up every bit of tractor junk they could find around onto the back of Pa's trailer and the morning of the wedding they bring it down to the pub car park as a wedding present for his new bride. The church ceremony goes without a hitch and the guests are all having a great time dancing to the Ceile Band as Ma says to Pa .... its funny, but Jonjo has never even mentioned tractors these last few weeks, you'd better tell him the good news that all his stuff is outside. As they look for Jonjo, he is over near the outdoor smoking area with his new mother in law. Jonjo, being the gentleman he is, invites her up to dance ..... but she says 'I'd love to Jonjo, but the smoke is coming in from outside and its choking me'. Jonjo says dont worry about that, sure I'll fix it now and he takes in an enournous breath sucking in all the smoke and blowing it back out the window. Mother in law is most impressed and asked how did he do that ...... its easy says Jonjo, sure I'm an 'extractor' fan now. :lol:


I usually spin that out longer :D :D :D

Re: Pun Laoghaire

PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 3:35 pm
by Holla
HELP !! can these posters be barred from the site :D :D

Re: Pun Laoghaire

PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 8:30 pm
by Strum
Toss wrote:I usually spin that out longer :D :D :D


I hope to never hear it thanks. :mrgreen:
I didn't even read the whole thing. The first line and then the punchline. :roll:

Re: Pun Laoghaire

PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 8:31 pm
by Strum
Holla wrote:HELP !! can these posters be barred from the site :D :D



Yes we can 'extract' them! :D

Re: Pun Laoghaire

PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 10:53 pm
by keeper
Don't pay any heed to them lads, they are just gone all grumpy today, they are great puns, made me laugh anyway, but then again I'm a motorist and Strum sez terrible things about us, but I forgive him, ( see roundabouts thread )
Keep them coming,( if you haven't been extracted in the meantime !!!! ) need a collection for my Grandchildren !!

Re: Pun Laoghaire

PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 11:20 pm
by Micheál
Then there was the Buddhist who refused Valium during a root canal treatment?
His goal: transcend dental medication.

Re: Pun Laoghaire

PostPosted: Tue Oct 04, 2011 11:22 pm
by Micheál
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak began to feel the chily, so they lit a fire in the floor of the canoe.
Unsurprisingly it sank.
Proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

Re: Pun Laoghaire

PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 11:06 am
by Toss
Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night. "Certainly madam", he replied courteously. "Is the restaurant open still?" inquired Mary. "Sorry, no," came the reply, "but room service is available all night. Would you care to select something from this menu?" Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it.

"Hmm, I would like cauliflower cheese please," said Mary. "Certainly madam," he replied "And can I have breakfast in bed?" asked Mary politely. The receptionist nodded and smiled. "In that case, I would love a couple of poached eggs please," Mary mused. After confirming the order, Mary signed in and went up to her room for the night. The night passed uneventfully and next morning Mary came down early to check out. The same guy was still on the desk. "Morning madam...sleep well?" "Yes, thank you," Mary replied. "Food to your liking?" "Well, I have to say the cauliflower cheese was exceptional, I don't think I have had better. Shame about the eggs tho....they really weren't that nice at all," replied Mary truthfully. "Oh...well, perhaps you could contribute these thoughts to our Guest Comments Book. We are always looking to improve our service and would value your opinion," said the receptionist. "OK, I will...thanks!" replied Mary....who checked out, then scribbled a comment into the book. Waving, she left to continue her journey. Curious, the receptionist picked up the book to see the comment Mary had written. "Supercauliflowercheesebuteggswerequiteatrocious!"

Re: Pun Laoghaire

PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 4:45 pm
by keeper
Great one Toss !! even Strum might enjoy that !!!

Re: Pun Laoghaire

PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 6:49 pm
by farmboy
I,d rather have a bottle in fronta me than a frontal lobotomy. :roll: :)

Re: Pun Laoghaire

PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 8:17 pm
by Strum
keeper wrote:Great one Toss !! even Strum might enjoy that !!!




Yeah very Punny! :roll: :D


I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

Re: Pun Laoghaire

PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 9:48 pm
by keeper
Well done Strum !!! just knew you would join in the pun's !!! See , you got over it !!! does this mean the end of "" this is it "" elsewhere ?

Re: Pun Laoghaire

PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 10:22 pm
by Strum
keeper wrote:does this mean the end of "" this is it "" elsewhere ?



No, that is it elsewhere. :roll:



I never wanted to believe that my Dad stole from his job as a roadworker, but when I got home, all the signs were there ...

Re: Pun Laoghaire

PostPosted: Thu Oct 06, 2011 12:12 pm
by Toss
I used to work as a messenger boy and one day and a woman answered the door in her nightdress ...... funny place to have a door.

Re: Pun Laoghaire

PostPosted: Thu Oct 06, 2011 11:07 pm
by Micheál
A woman goes into a bar and asks the Barman for a Double Entendre.
So he gave her one.

Re: Pun Laoghaire

PostPosted: Thu Oct 06, 2011 11:25 pm
by jwdalk
A guy at Oxegen goes to the Hare Krishna tent for some nosebag. He orders a kebab and is asked what he wants with it. "Make me one with everything" he says. He hands over a tenner and the Hare Krishna begins rummaging under his shirt. "What are you doing", the guy asks "Change comes from within" the Hare Krishna answers.