Pun Laoghaire

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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby keeper » Tue Oct 18, 2011 10:52 pm

A sex therapist asked a man: ' Do you talk to your wife while you are making love ?'
He answered: 'Only if there's a phone handy.'
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby jwdalk » Tue Oct 18, 2011 11:29 pm

A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe and they get a table and have a pint and then another pint and then start some serious drinking. When they get up to leave the giraffe's neck goes and he sprawls across half a dozen tables. The guy keeps walking and as he reaches the door the barman yells out "Oi, you can't leave that lyin 'there." The guy turns, sways and looks at the barman and says, (all togetrher now!)
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""That's not a lion, that's a giraffe"
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Strum » Thu Nov 03, 2011 3:42 pm

My wife is getting really mad with my obsession with horse racing.

Nag nag nag. Well not furlong... :D
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Strum » Thu Nov 03, 2011 3:42 pm

Okay guys, this is a hammer. This is a screwdriver.

You know the drill....:D
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Strum » Wed Nov 09, 2011 12:27 am

I used to have an obsession with theatres... But i'm past that stage now...
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Strum » Wed Nov 09, 2011 3:03 am

All my mates were jumping into the Harbour, not me though, even though they were teasing me about it.

I was determined not to give into Pier pressure. :D
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Strum » Wed Nov 09, 2011 10:59 pm

I won't Harbour and resentments about that comment Dancer! :D
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby KellyKid » Tue Dec 20, 2011 5:26 pm

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

Two aerials got married - wedding was'nt much but the reception was great.

He avoided funerals because he was not a mourning person.

The Invisible Man married the Invisible Woman - the kids were nothing to look at either.
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby KellyKid » Thu Dec 22, 2011 11:15 am

I never let my kids watch big band performances on TV - too much sax and violins.
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Fri Jun 15, 2012 6:18 pm

They say a lot of money is tainted - they're right. t'aint yours and t'aint mine
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Fri Jun 15, 2012 6:21 pm

Did you hear about the guy who made a very revealing Will?
It was a dead give away.
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Fri Jun 15, 2012 6:23 pm

Not that you'd be be likely to be doing it in this weather but rember that reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby grammer » Fri Jun 15, 2012 11:50 pm

:roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:
:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
this thread should be banned :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
sent from my PC and typed on a keyboard (old fashioned black colour) using three fingers
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Sat Jun 16, 2012 12:24 am

Exorcists must now display a regulatory warning on their invoices - "Failure to pay on time could mean you'll get repossessed"
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Rocker » Sat Jun 16, 2012 10:50 am

Micheál,

I'd missed this thread before. I'm a pun virgin and I love them. Keep posting. I can't remember jokes but these should be easier on my poor retention skills. :D :D :D :D
I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Holla » Sat Jun 16, 2012 9:36 pm

I saw this outside the little church on Foster ave...............Seven days without prayer makes one weak.
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Navanman » Sat Jun 16, 2012 10:27 pm

Holla,
Whenever I am on the Stillorgan Road I actually look out for the signs outside that church. They are brilliant. I heard the minister?? from the church on the radio one day and she sounded lovely. She said they get loads of suggestions for signs.

Jesus Saves - do you?


Actually the church looks lovely - would love to see inside it someday.


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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby grammer » Sat Jun 16, 2012 11:49 pm

:D :D :D :D :D :D
Good one Navanman-
one of their best signs was
Jesus is looking for carpenters
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Holla » Sun Jun 17, 2012 12:12 am

grammer wrote::D :D :D :D :D :D
Good one Navanman-
one of their best signs was
Jesus is looking for carpenters


:) :) :) yeah and navanman"s looking for a plumber :)
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Sun Jun 17, 2012 12:31 am

Rocker will be pleased to learn that the guy who fell into an upholstery machine is now fully recovered
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Sun Jun 17, 2012 12:39 am

A chicken was spotted crossing Marine Road earlier today - it was poultry in motion.
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Rocker » Sun Jun 17, 2012 2:04 am

Micheál,

Stop it ! me sides will burst with the laughing :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Recovered :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Sinead » Sun Jun 17, 2012 4:08 pm

True story.

In the opticians last week a man was collecting his new specs. Assistant asks do you use them just
for reading? No re replies, just for screwing.

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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Rocker » Sun Jun 17, 2012 5:03 pm

Sinéad,

I love it. True life is so much better than fiction. :lol: :lol: :lol:
I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby keeper » Sun Jun 17, 2012 5:41 pm

True story :!: My dog's name is Jack, and yesterday morning in my local park, there were two ladies walking not far in front of me, I noticed that Jack had stopped some distance back behind me, I let a very loud shout to get him to catch up, " HI JACK" The two ladies screamed and starting running like mad for the gate :shock: :shock: any ideas why :?: :?:
True story 2 Last Sunday morning, the day of "THE MATCH " seeing a break in the weather I decided to cut the grass verge and front lawn, I knew I'd probably upset someone by starting so early 9.45am, especially on a Sunday, sure enough my next door neighbour, with whom I get on vey well with, came out in her dressing gown, looking bleary eyed, and, in a nice way said, God you are up very early, really meaning "what the eff has you out cutting the grass " :x I replied, I know, I'm sorry, but I have to get the grass cut before the match, says she, "oh the match, I forgot, oh yes you must get it done properly, said good morning and went back in :shock: :shock: Is it just me I wonder :?: :roll: :roll: :roll:
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