Pun Laoghaire

NO JOKING MATTER! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! PLEASE BE AWARE THAT THERE IS OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE AND IMAGES IN THIS FORUM

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Harjoe » Fri Oct 07, 2011 7:17 pm

A pretty young gypsy girl knocked on my door and asked if I had any old Clothing. I said Yes but what would I get in return. She said I could play with her breasts. I thought...That's Fair....Tit for Tat. ---------------------------------------------
-- I'm in trouble with the wife. We were in bed naked and she asked what I Would like to do most with her body. Apparently "Identify it" wasn't the right answer. --------------------------------------------------------------
- Why men shouldn't be Agony aunts. Dear Phil I left home for work last week and after less than a mile my car Stalled and wouldn't start. I walked back to my house and found my husband in bed with our 19 year Old babysitter. They announced that the affair had been going on for two years. Can you help me...I'm desperate. Dear Reader The most common cause of vehicles breaking down in the first mile is Dirt in the fuel lines. Hope this helps. Phil. --------------------------------------
- After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were Going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough....once she Killed herself I started to feel a lot better. So I thought...Sod It....soldier on. --------------------------------------------------
- Just said to the missus..."Hey fat gut..what do you want for Valentines Day" She said "Don't get f*cking lippy" I said "Mascara it is then!" -------------------------------------------------
- I woke up this morning at 8 and could smell something was wrong. I got Downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not Breathing!. I panicked. I didn't know what to do.....................Then I remembered Wetherspoons serve breakfast until 11.30. -------------------------------------------
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, An Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, a Brazilian, a Canadian, an Argentinian, a Korean and a Swiss man walked into a pub. The bouncer says "Sorry.. I can't let you in without a Thai". ----------------------------------
Man sh--ging 30 stone woman. He says "Can we have the light switched Off?" She said "Why? Do you find me repulsive?" He said " No....it's burning my @rse". ------------------------------------------------------------
-- You won't hear from me for a while mate. Being investigated for stealing swimming pool inflatables........I gotta Lilo. ---------------------------------------------------------------
- News just in....There's a female ref for the United v City match. The Kick off has been put back an hour so she can park her car. ---------------------------------------------
-- Paddy got a letter in the post this morning. It landed on the floor, Says on the envelope DO NOT BEND. He's still wondering how to pick it Up! -----------------------------------------------------
Last edited by Harjoe on Fri Oct 07, 2011 7:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Harjoe » Fri Oct 07, 2011 7:22 pm

> Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.
>
>
> TheItalian Customs Officer stops them and tells them "It'sa illegala to putta 5people in a Quattro."
> "Vot do you mean it's illegal?" asks the German driver.
>
>
> "Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official.
>
>
> "Quattro is just ze name of zefokken automobile" the German says unbelievingly.
>
>
> "Look at ze dam papers: ze car is designed to karry 5 persons".
> "You canta pulla thata one on me!" replies the Italian customs officer.
> "Quattro meansa four. You have five-a people ina your car and you are thereforea breaking tha law."
> The German driver replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your zupervisor over. I vant to speak to someone viz more intelligence!
>
>
> "Sorry" responds the Italian officer, "He can'ta come. He'sa busy witha 2 guys in a Fiat Uno"
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby grammer » Sat Oct 08, 2011 11:48 pm

aaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhhhhh
sent from my PC and typed on a keyboard (old fashioned black colour) using three fingers
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Strum » Sun Oct 09, 2011 3:46 pm

:roll: :roll: :roll:




:D
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Mon Oct 10, 2011 11:24 pm

An explosive device was thrown into a kitchen in France severely damaging the flooring - Linoleum Blownapart.
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Mon Oct 10, 2011 11:25 pm

A midget fortune-teller has absconed with Circus takings - Gardai have confirmed theres a small medium at large.
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Mon Oct 10, 2011 11:26 pm

There I was - trying to figure out why the brick kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Mon Oct 10, 2011 11:28 pm

An old soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray in the war was laid to rest today. The vicar described him as a seasoned veteran
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Strum » Tue Oct 11, 2011 1:12 am

A drapery shop in Dun Laoghaire was broken into last light. But the Gardai have it all sewn up. :roll: :roll: :roll:

An hour later in Dalkey robbers blew a massive hole in the wall of the AIB Bank. The Gardai are looking into it. :roll: :roll: :roll:


:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Strum » Tue Oct 11, 2011 1:31 pm

Dancer wrote:Somebody ......please lock this thread NOW!!!!!



I told you Dancer the Gardai have it all sewn up! Geddit, thread, geddit geddit! :mrgreen: :lol:
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Strum » Tue Oct 11, 2011 2:13 pm

Dancer wrote:You're just fooking stringing me along now!!




Never the Twine shall meet! :D
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby keeper » Tue Oct 11, 2011 3:58 pm

Ah ! Dancer, It's great fun, and you are not bad at it yourself !! Look how Strum got into the swing of it after a dodgy start !! Long live Pun Dun Laoghaire !!
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Thu Oct 13, 2011 11:46 pm

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Thu Oct 13, 2011 11:47 pm

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Thu Oct 13, 2011 11:47 pm

In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your Count that votes
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Thu Oct 13, 2011 11:49 pm

A guy jumped off a bridge in Paris, the Gendarmes think he's in Seine.
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby grammer » Thu Oct 13, 2011 11:56 pm

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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Strum » Fri Oct 14, 2011 12:02 am

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.




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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby grammer » Fri Oct 14, 2011 12:09 am

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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Strum » Fri Oct 14, 2011 12:22 am

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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby keeper » Fri Oct 14, 2011 12:31 am

Love the smileys !!
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Strum » Fri Oct 14, 2011 12:46 am

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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Toss » Fri Oct 14, 2011 9:48 am

It wasn't school I disliked, it was just the Principal of it.

When the actress saw the first strands of grey hair, she though she'd dye.

I went out with a girl who had a wooden leg, in the end I had to break it off.

She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. :P
According to Myers-Briggs, I'm a "ENTJ-a"....
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby keeper » Fri Oct 14, 2011 3:30 pm

You will be all glad to hear I have taken it a pun myself to find a good pun !!!

Would a Mormon working for An Post be a Letter Day Saint ?
An E.S.B worker believed his van was a Voltswagen !!
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby jwdalk » Fri Oct 14, 2011 11:16 pm

She was only a grocer's daughter but she taught Sir Geoffrey Howe!
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria
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