Pun Laoghaire

NO JOKING MATTER! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! PLEASE BE AWARE THAT THERE IS OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE AND IMAGES IN THIS FORUM

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Sweet » Thu Jun 28, 2012 10:09 am

Cheezus, lads, too funny. I'll bring y'all some joke books soon!!
Sweet
 

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Gulliver » Thu Jun 28, 2012 10:32 am

Buddihst in Milano's Pizza:- "Make me one with everything"
"Not all those who wander are lost" (J.R.R.Tolkien)
User avatar
Gulliver
A Dun Laoghaire Sunset
 
Posts: 1079
Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2010 10:58 am
Location: Liliput

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby grammer » Thu Jun 28, 2012 11:00 am

:D :D :D :D :D
sent from my PC and typed on a keyboard (old fashioned black colour) using three fingers
User avatar
grammer
The Spoon
 
Posts: 5330
Joined: Sat Mar 20, 2010 12:30 am
Location: 7th rock from the sun

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby grammer » Thu Jun 28, 2012 11:06 am

:D :D :D :D
These puns are getting worse
The young farmer who had a uni.degree.
-he was outstanding in his own field- ;) ;) ;)
sent from my PC and typed on a keyboard (old fashioned black colour) using three fingers
User avatar
grammer
The Spoon
 
Posts: 5330
Joined: Sat Mar 20, 2010 12:30 am
Location: 7th rock from the sun

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Sweet » Thu Jun 28, 2012 11:16 am

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate. :P
Sweet
 

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Gulliver » Thu Jun 28, 2012 11:35 am

Breaking News:- The Duracell bunny has been arrested. Charged with battery
"Not all those who wander are lost" (J.R.R.Tolkien)
User avatar
Gulliver
A Dun Laoghaire Sunset
 
Posts: 1079
Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2010 10:58 am
Location: Liliput

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Rocker » Thu Jun 28, 2012 12:22 pm

Micheál wrote:My son got a job bag-packing in the local supermarket. They deployed him at the checkout right opposite one of those juice machines that turns whole oranges into delicious mouth watering refreshing drinks. With the weather so hot, he thought he'd try his luck and get upgraded to working with the oranges and asked his boss whether a move was possible. His request was denied.
"Sorry but baggers can't be juicers"


Micheál, How do you think of them? I stand in awe!!

Grammer, Gulliver, Sweet such talent. We could re-start those variety shows in the Town Hall. Local talent- you can't beat it!
I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.
William Allen White
User avatar
Rocker
Globetrotter
 
Posts: 6326
Joined: Wed Dec 21, 2011 12:29 pm
Location: The Rock

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Gulliver » Thu Jun 28, 2012 3:42 pm

A team of Chinese silkworms played a match against a team of Japanese silkworms. It ended in a tie.

I was wondering why an oncoming car was driving erratically. Then it hit me.

Beware of dangerous religions. Practice safe sects.

Sign in lawn of drug treatment centre. "Keep off the grass".

A dwarf in jail. Told fortunes for the inmates. Escaped one day. Now there's a small medium at large.

The scarf said to the hat "You go on ahead, I'll hang around"
"Not all those who wander are lost" (J.R.R.Tolkien)
User avatar
Gulliver
A Dun Laoghaire Sunset
 
Posts: 1079
Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2010 10:58 am
Location: Liliput

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby jwdalk » Thu Jun 28, 2012 6:12 pm

Gulliver wrote:Buddihst in Milano's Pizza:- "Make me one with everything"


He paid for his pizza with a €50 note, the cashier disappeared with the money into the back of the restaurant, muttering "Change comes from within."
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria
User avatar
jwdalk
Advanced Member
 
Posts: 422
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 11:15 pm
Location: Curitiba, Brazil

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Sweet » Thu Jun 28, 2012 8:32 pm

Two elephants fell over a cliff - boom boom!!
That was the very first joke I ever heard, back in 1960splash, in the playground of Blessed Oliver Plunkett GNS. :lol:
Sweet
 

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby jwdalk » Thu Jun 28, 2012 9:19 pm

I tried snails once, but I prefer fast food.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria
User avatar
jwdalk
Advanced Member
 
Posts: 422
Joined: Wed Jul 20, 2011 11:15 pm
Location: Curitiba, Brazil

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Sweet » Thu Jun 28, 2012 11:11 pm

My very favourite stupid joke, ever, is:
Did you hear about the two Mexican firemen?
- Jose an' Hose B. :lol: :lol: :lol:
Sweet
 

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Fri Jun 29, 2012 12:14 am

When I reflect on all the jobs Ive had over the years, I have to admit I was never a great success in any of them.

My first job was as a chimney sweep but I had to quit as I kept getting the flue.
I thought my next job in Starbucks would be more tolerable but to be honest, I quickly got tired of the daily grind.
Then my luck turned - I got taken on as a Tailors Apprentice but the work was so so.
A period as a Sculptor was no better - the work drove me mad - boss accused my of losing my marbles
I tried the Printing trade but it quickly became clear that I was just not the type.
Banking wasnt much better - I found it difficult to keep up my interest
Then I thought of a vocation in the priesthood but I soon found out I didnt have the Alter ego
I even joined a coven of witches - til they discovered I couldnt spell

So here I am working in a Casino and hoping for a better deal
User avatar
Micheál
Skies are Blue
 
Posts: 2478
Joined: Wed Aug 03, 2011 12:13 am
Location: Within the sound of the Hooter

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Rocker » Fri Jun 29, 2012 9:26 am

Dancer wrote: When the cannibal showed up late to the luncheon, they gave him the cold shoulder.

Immanuel doesn't pun. He Kant.

It is tough to do inventories in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.
William Allen White
User avatar
Rocker
Globetrotter
 
Posts: 6326
Joined: Wed Dec 21, 2011 12:29 pm
Location: The Rock

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby JENNY WREN » Fri Jun 29, 2012 4:44 pm

why did the hedgehog cross marine road .......to show he had guts :roll:
always look on the bright side of life.....de dum de dum de dum de dum.
User avatar
JENNY WREN
Advanced Member
 
Posts: 179
Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2008 3:38 pm
Location: DUBLIN

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby JENNY WREN » Fri Jun 29, 2012 4:44 pm

why did the hedgehog cross marine road .......to show he had guts :roll:


a great way to get rid of nuisance callers especially that indian bloke who wants to fix your computer give the phone to a 3 year old and tell him its santa .......makes me wish i had a 3 year old now. :lol: :roll:
always look on the bright side of life.....de dum de dum de dum de dum.
User avatar
JENNY WREN
Advanced Member
 
Posts: 179
Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2008 3:38 pm
Location: DUBLIN

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Sweet » Fri Jun 29, 2012 7:31 pm

Your momma's house is so dirty, you have to wipe your feet to go outside. :lol:
Sweet
 

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Fri Jun 29, 2012 7:56 pm

A duck walks into a bar -
Duck: "I'll have a beer, please".
Bartender "That'll be €6.50" (it was Milanos)
Duck "Put it on my bill."
User avatar
Micheál
Skies are Blue
 
Posts: 2478
Joined: Wed Aug 03, 2011 12:13 am
Location: Within the sound of the Hooter

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Fri Jun 29, 2012 8:00 pm

A Glenageary bear walks into a bar -
Bear: "I'll have a beer and . . . ( . . . . a moments silence . . . .) . . . some of those peanuts"
Bartender "Why the big pause?"
User avatar
Micheál
Skies are Blue
 
Posts: 2478
Joined: Wed Aug 03, 2011 12:13 am
Location: Within the sound of the Hooter

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Fri Jun 29, 2012 8:02 pm

4 fonts walk into a bar -

Bartender: "We don't serve your type here"
User avatar
Micheál
Skies are Blue
 
Posts: 2478
Joined: Wed Aug 03, 2011 12:13 am
Location: Within the sound of the Hooter

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Sweet » Fri Jun 29, 2012 8:07 pm

A sandwich walks in to a bar, an' sez "I'll have a pint a' Guinness."
Barman sez "Sorry, we don't serve food." ;)
Sweet
 

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Fri Jun 29, 2012 8:09 pm

Shakespeare walks into a bar -

Will: "A beer doth cool the head and warm the mind
A Carlsberg please if you would be so kind"

Bartender: "Forsooth you wont be leaving this place jarred
I wont be serving you - because you're Bard
"
User avatar
Micheál
Skies are Blue
 
Posts: 2478
Joined: Wed Aug 03, 2011 12:13 am
Location: Within the sound of the Hooter

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Sweet » Fri Jun 29, 2012 8:19 pm

:D :lol: :lol: :lol: :P
Sweet
 

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby grammer » Fri Jun 29, 2012 11:48 pm

Micheál » Fri Jun 29, 2012 7:09 pm

Shakespeare walks into a bar -

Will: "A beer doth cool the head and warm the mind
A Carlsberg please if you would be so kind"

Bartender: "Forsooth you wont be leaving this place jarred
I wont be serving you - because you're Bard"

Brilliant Micháel.
sent from my PC and typed on a keyboard (old fashioned black colour) using three fingers
User avatar
grammer
The Spoon
 
Posts: 5330
Joined: Sat Mar 20, 2010 12:30 am
Location: 7th rock from the sun

Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Rocker » Sat Jun 30, 2012 12:06 pm

Micheál,

I hope you are recording these in a book. They are so good. I'm going back to page one to re-read them this minute. Roll on the laughs --Roll on the floor more likely.

I know this is the wrong forum for this but years ago when Billy Connolly came to Dublin he was billed as a comedian.. there was no "you might take offence at the language". We booked 'cause we had seen him on T.V and knew how bawdy he would be. When we arrived at the theatre there were four nuns in the row in front. I thought they must be in drag!!. When Billy started he walked up and down the stage saying only the F word.. "you might as well get used to it"...he said. I looked at the nuns in front and they were packing their stuff to leave....they were REAL NUNS. My friend and I laughed so much we actually slid down onto the floor. Whenever we need a laugh we recollect that day !! Incredible but TRUE.
I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.
William Allen White
User avatar
Rocker
Globetrotter
 
Posts: 6326
Joined: Wed Dec 21, 2011 12:29 pm
Location: The Rock

PreviousNext

Return to JOKES ETC.



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest