Pun Laoghaire

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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby jwdalk » Sat Jun 30, 2012 10:17 pm

A horse walks into a bar. The barman says "Why the long face?"
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Sat Jun 30, 2012 11:51 pm

A piece of string walked into a bar -

String: "Gimme a beer"
Bartender: "Get outta here! We don't serve your kind here"

So the string left, but he was thirsty, and he really wanted a beer, so he messed up his hair real badly and looped himself around until he had tied himself into a loop. Then the string went back into the bar -

Bartender (looking at his latest customer suspiciously) : "Aren't you that worthless piece of string I just threw outta here?"
String: "No, "I'm a frayed knot!"
Last edited by Micheál on Sat Jun 30, 2012 11:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Sat Jun 30, 2012 11:56 pm

Rocker wrote:I hope you are recording these in a book. .


Hi Rocker
For the record, I don't make these up myself (though I confess to a little manipulation betimes) but I enjoy collecting them from here, there and everywhere. And yes, I'm recording them - right here on Pun Laoghaire !

M.
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Toss » Sun Jul 01, 2012 12:08 am

Next time your shopping and buying tomatoes ........ pick one up, hold it in front of you and in yer best dublin accent say ....

'ah jazzzus, whatz 'toe matta' with you?' :lol:
According to Myers-Briggs, I'm a "ENTJ-a"....
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Sun Jul 01, 2012 12:10 am

A man walked into a bar -

and sits down next to an old man with a great big vicious-looking mongrel at his feet.
"Does your dog bite?" asks the newcomer.
"No." said the old man and went back to his crossword.
So the newcomer settled down beside him with his pint and the racing page

A few minutes later, without any warning, the dog jumps up and sinks his jaws into the newcomer's shin.
"I thought you said your @#~{?+%&€ dog didn't bite"
The old man replies "That's not my dog"
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Sun Jul 01, 2012 12:12 am

A mushroom walks into a bar -

and starts hitting on this woman.
She, of course, is completely unimpressed.
Not willing, to give up, he pleads with her,
"C'mon lady, I'm a fun guy."
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Sun Jul 01, 2012 12:14 am

A skeleton walks into a bar -

Bones: "Gimme a beer . . . . . and a mop."
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Tue Jul 03, 2012 9:57 am

Image
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Enviro500 » Tue Jul 03, 2012 10:06 am

Trying to cross a busy road in Dun Laoghaire and a Garda walks up to and says "There's a Zebra Crossing 300 yards away", My reply "I hope the bugger is haveing better luck than me" !!!!
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Strum » Tue Jul 03, 2012 4:56 pm

Haha did you make that Michael? Should it not be "terrible" Puns or is it a Pun itself? :D
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby grammer » Tue Jul 03, 2012 5:49 pm

;) :lol: :lol: :lol:
sent from my PC and typed on a keyboard (old fashioned black colour) using three fingers
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Rocker » Tue Jul 03, 2012 5:59 pm

Micheál,

That is so good, tearable puns :D :D :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby jwdalk » Tue Jul 03, 2012 9:53 pm

A lone yachtsman is sailing across the Pacific when he is caught up in a tropical storm. His yacht is bounced back and forth in the mounting seas until eventually he is knocked unconscious by the boom and falls overboard. When he comes to he has been cast up on a sandy beach. He raises his head and opens his eyes and looks around at a most unusual panorama. He sits up and takes it all in. The sky is a dark red, and it's hard to distinguish where the sky ends and the sea begins as the sea is the same unusual colour. The sand is also a brownish red and worst of all, so is his skin. He puts his head in his hands and slowly shakes his head from side to side, mumbling "Oh no, I've been marooned."
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Rocker » Tue Jul 03, 2012 11:04 pm

JWdalk,

Just for a minute I thought it might be a Blue joke. I love it. :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Wed Jul 04, 2012 1:05 am

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

Atom 1: "I've lost my electron."
Atom 2: "Are you sure?"
Atom 12: "Yes, I'm positive"
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Wed Jul 04, 2012 1:06 am

A neutron walks into a bar -

Neutron: "I'd like a beer"
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
Neutron: "How much will that be?"
Bartender: "For you? No charge"
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Fri Jul 06, 2012 12:44 am

A dog (with his leg wrapped in bandages) hobbles into a bar.

Bonzo (back to the bar looking menacingly at the clientelle): "I'm lookin' fer the fella that shot my paw"
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Fri Jul 06, 2012 12:47 am

A baby seal walks into a bar -

Bartender: "What'll it be?"
Seal: "Anything but a Canadian Club"
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Micheál » Fri Jul 06, 2012 1:03 am

The guys from Sallynoggin Chess Club were hanging around the lobby of the Rochestown Lodge after their Christmas tournament. They had just beaten the visitors from Blackrock and were re-living every darn move - much to the irritation of the staff who were hoping to lock up for the night. Eventually, the manager approached them and told them all to f@#&~$ off to hell!

After they had sulked away, the shocked Receptionist asked the Manager why he had been so abrupt

"I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer"
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Denis Cromie » Fri Jul 06, 2012 10:56 am

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Rocker » Fri Jul 06, 2012 11:01 am

"I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer"[/quote]

Micheál,

Great stuff, I have some chess nuts friends who are going to be rung this morning Ha :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Gulliver » Fri Jul 06, 2012 11:59 am

The parish priest wanted a bellringer and an armless man applied.
“no arms!! You can’t do the job” said the PP
“let me show you” said the armless man
He climbed up the belfry and hit the bell with his forehead.
The bell rang loud and clear, and then swung back hitting him, knocking him right out the window and killing him below
The PP rushed down.
“Who is this man” said an onlooker.
“Don’t know” said the PP, “but his face sure rings a bell”


not finished yet….. there’s more

At the funeral next day, the brother of the armless man said “I’ll ring the bell in honour of my brother”
He pulled on the rope, but on the upswing the rope caught his neck and he died on the spot.
“Who is this man” said an onlooker.
“Don’t know” said the PP, “but he’s a dead ringer for his brother”
"Not all those who wander are lost" (J.R.R.Tolkien)
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby skins » Fri Jul 06, 2012 12:41 pm

This dyslexic guy walks into a bra..........

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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Rocker » Fri Jul 06, 2012 1:26 pm

skins wrote:This dyslexic guy walks into a bra..........

Skins
:lol: :lol:

reminds me...

(1) dyslexic agnostic thinks there is no Dog.....

(2) Dyslexia rules K.O!
I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.
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Re: Pun Laoghaire

Postby Rocker » Fri Jul 06, 2012 10:30 pm

A guy is out sailing his kayak and gets suddenly cold,
he rows harder hoping to heat up but doesn't.
He pulls into the river side , chops some sticks and set a small fire in the bottom of the kayak,
He sets off again but the fire has burnt a hole in the kayak and it sinks!
Moral you can't have your kayak and heat it!
I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.
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