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JOKES ONLY

PostPosted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 9:16 pm
by Snowhite
Three blondes find a magic lamp in the street.They pick it up and rub it, then out pop's a genie. "Since you freed me i'll grant you each one wish."says the genie.
"I want to be smart, i'm tired of being dumb nobody respects you"said the 1st blonde. ...."Granted" says the genie, then turns her into a redhead. She is happy and walks away.
"Well i want to be smarter than her" says the 2nd blonde. ...."Granted" says the genie, and turns her hair brown.She is happy and walks away.
"Well i dont want to be smart.I like been dumb you have all kinds of fun."I want to be dumber" the 3rd blonde says.
"Granted" the genie says, then turned her into.........................a man.
:makeyes:

PostPosted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 11:31 pm
by Snowhite
A wife heard her husband come back into the house not too long after he had left.
She said "Darling, i thought you were going to your lodge meeting"
"It was postponed", he replied."
"The wife of the Grand Exalted Invincible Supreme Potentate would'nt let him attend tonight".

PostPosted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 11:37 pm
by Snowhite
The best husband a wife can have is "An ARCHAEOLOGIST" cos the older she gets the more interested he is in her.

PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 3:24 am
by spudseamus
:bold:

PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 9:37 pm
by Snowhite
Now Spud,........ :halya5:

PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:15 pm
by spudseamus
:D

PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:26 pm
by Snowhite
Tell me a joke, Spud. :razz:

PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:29 pm
by spudseamus
two nuns ridin' bikes down a cobbled stoned road in Dublin and one turns to the other and says " ooohhh sister ive never come this way before have you ?" nnnnnoooooo! sayds the other one

PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:47 pm
by Snowhite
Now that's :bold: ,Spud.........but i liked it. :D

PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:51 pm
by spudseamus
Pat and Mick went duck shootin' and as they were comin home Pat says to Mick" look at all these other fellas theyve got lots of ducks! why havent we got any?" i dunno says Mick ' maybe were not trowin' the dog high enough "

PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:55 pm
by Snowhite
Image... :rfl: :rfl: More please.

PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 12:05 am
by spudseamus
i once got barred from a pub -- not allowed back in for a month--- not that it bothered me lol -- plenty of drinkin' holes in Dun Laoghaire :D the joke was kind of a sight joke so bare with me grin it was Easter week end so you can set that in yer mind and the time was early 70s ok. well Jesus was on the cross and all the dark clouds were foaming and tretening to ignite when a folower of the man got a ladder and went up it and pulled out one of the nails in JCs hands and his arm fell like a leaden weight to his side so the man with the ladder went around the other side and pulled out the other nail in his hand and it too fell like a leaden weight just then JCs eyes openen and he looked into the helpers eyes and said "THE FEET !!THE FEET! and it came to pass that i was trown out of the pub by the owner and told i should be ashamed of meself---- but i did hear the coustomers shoutin aproval of the funny side

PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 12:15 am
by Snowhite
:rfl: :rfl: It's the way you tell'em , Spud. :hayla:

PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 12:24 am
by spudseamus
ohh the pub in question was the one on the left hand side as you go down to the Peoples Park right down neer the park i cant remmeber the name

PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 12:26 am
by Snowhite
Walters or the Cozy ?

PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 12:27 am
by spudseamus
hhmmm last one before the park

PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 12:28 am
by spudseamus
coz it was just a walk across the street to get a bus and i remember it well coz i met a young lady there and got talkin and had a knee trembler before i went home ! ahhhh youth is wasted on the young :D

PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 12:32 am
by Snowhite
Walter's if it had the same name back in your day that is all those years ago. :D ....Knee trembler. :rfl: :rfl:

PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 12:33 am
by spudseamus
i bow to ur wisdom snowie

PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 12:35 am
by Snowhite
Ah, get up, your making a show of me. :makeyes: :rfl: :rfl: :rfl:

PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 12:46 am
by spudseamus
how do ya tell when a Jewish princess has an orgasam?? she drops her nail file :D

PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 12:51 am
by Snowhite
How do you change a blonde's mind?


Blow in her ear. :D

PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 12:52 am
by spudseamus
:rfl: why do ya never let a blond go for lunch---- coz you have to retrain her

PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 12:56 am
by Snowhite
Why can't you tell blonde's Knock Knock jokes ?



Because they go and answer the door.

PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 1:04 am
by spudseamus
how do ya know a red neck--- theyve been married 3 times and there name dont change gollieeeee!