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Postby Snowhite » Wed Jan 17, 2007 6:13 pm

You make my day, PP. :hayla: :rfl:
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Postby hayla » Wed Jan 17, 2007 7:44 pm

Image
Image Never say never!!
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Postby spudseamus » Wed Jan 17, 2007 10:12 pm

jazz thats where i left it lol good one pp :D
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Postby farmboy » Wed Jan 17, 2007 10:27 pm

spudseamus wrote:how do ya tell when a Jewish princess has an orgasam?? she drops her nail file :D
What do you call The Three Degrees having an orgasm??? Wet Wet Wet!! :D
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Postby spudseamus » Wed Jan 17, 2007 10:29 pm

:D
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Postby farmboy » Wed Jan 17, 2007 10:34 pm

Is it true that if you put viagra under your pillow you wake up with a stiff neck? :shock:
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Postby spudseamus » Wed Jan 17, 2007 10:38 pm

no of course not!! i know :shock: coz someone told me :D
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Postby Plastic Paddy » Wed Jan 17, 2007 11:54 pm

Picture the scene in a divorce court in Dublin Mario and Maria end up in the divorce court. the Judge extremely surprised at an Italian divorce.He calls on Maria, "Maria, why do you want a divorce?" Wella Judge, itsa lika dis,Mario is a verya dirtya man, he alawaysa picka hissa nose, and alaso a judge, he never a letta me on a top.
The Judge then calls Mario, "Mario the things Maria says are pretty important, so what have you got to say for yourself?"
"Well itsa lika this ajudge, when I was a little afella my poppa he say to me, now we have emigrated to a beautifula country you must maka sure that you get on with da peoples, you musta alawaysa keepa your nosa clean and never f##k up." :D PP
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Postby Snowhite » Thu Jan 18, 2007 1:20 am

Did you hear the toll bridge was free all day yesterday,
Someone threw viagra in the chute,
And they could'nt get the barrier down all day.?




Sorry i'm a little dr--k, and i'm going to bed. :makeyes:
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Postby spudseamus » Thu Jan 18, 2007 2:10 am

gotta luv thse blue pills :shock: :shock: well err i was tild they were blue :cool:
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Postby hayla » Thu Jan 18, 2007 7:12 pm

spudseamus wrote:gotta luv thse blue pills :shock: :shock: well err i was tild they were blue :cool:

Go away ya big liar !!!! We can see from your post you're always UP when we're alseep :D
Image Never say never!!
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Postby Snowhite » Thu Jan 18, 2007 7:38 pm

"Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.

"The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: ‘My friend is dead! What can I do?’ The operator says: ‘Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.’

"There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: ‘OK, now what?’"
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Postby Snowhite » Thu Jan 18, 2007 7:39 pm

"Doctor, I’ve got a strawberry stuck up my bum." Doctor: "I’ve got some cream for that!"
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Postby Snowhite » Thu Jan 18, 2007 7:40 pm

An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof." The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: "There are only nine words here. You could send another Woof for the same price." "But," the dog replied, "that would make no sense at all."
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Postby Snowhite » Thu Jan 18, 2007 7:49 pm

St Peter decides to take the day off to go fishing, so Jesus offers to keep an eye on the Pearly Gates. He is not sure what to do, so Peter tells him to find out a bit about people as they arrive in Heaven, and this will help him decide if he can let them in.

After a while, Jesus sees a little old man with white hair approaching who looks very, very familiar. He asks the old man to tell him about himself. The old man says, "I had a very sad life. I was a carpenter and had a son who I lost at a relatively young age, and although he was not my natural child, I loved him dearly."

Jesus welled up with emotion. He threw his arms around the old man and cried, "Daddy!"

The old man replied, "Pinocchio?"
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Postby Plastic Paddy » Fri Jan 19, 2007 7:51 pm

Which airline?
A guy sitting at a bar at Dublin Airport noticed a really beautiful woman sitting next to him.
He thought to himself: "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be an off duty flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?"

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta slogan: "Love to fly and it shows?"

She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself: "Damn, she doesn't work for Delta."

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again, "Something special in the air?"

She gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked himself, and scratched Singapore Airlines off the list.

Next he tried the Thai Airways slogan: "Smooth as Silk."

This time the woman turned on him "What the F*** do you want?"

The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said "Ahhhhh, Ryanair!!!

:D PP
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Postby spudseamus » Fri Jan 19, 2007 11:24 pm

:rfl: :rfl:
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Postby farmboy » Sat Jan 20, 2007 12:59 am

This old geezer wakes his wife up one night and sez "Jeez Mary I think I,ve just had me first wet dream in over 30 years" She says "Thats funny I was just dreamin that you,d been run over by a bus and I was pissin meself laughin!!!
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Postby Snowhite » Sat Jan 20, 2007 1:01 am

:raflao: :raflao: :raflao:
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Postby Snowhite » Sat Jan 20, 2007 1:10 am

The origin of the bagpipes was being discussed and the representatives of different nations were eagerly disclaiming responsibility for the instrument.

Finally, and Irishman said, "Well, I'll tell you the truth about it. The Irish invented them and sold them to the Scots as a joke; and the Scots haven't seen the joke yet!"
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Postby Snowhite » Sat Jan 20, 2007 1:15 am

Murphy and his wife, a middle-aged couple, went for a stroll in the park. They sat down on a bench to rest. They overheard voices coming from a secluded spot. Suddenly Mrs. Murphy realized that a young man was about to propose.

Not wanting to eavesdrop at such an intimate moment, she nudged her husband and whispered, "Whistle and let that young couple know that someone can hear them."

Murphy said, "Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me."
Life isn't tied with a Bow, But it's still a Gift.
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Postby Plastic Paddy » Sat Jan 20, 2007 1:22 am

Farmboy and Snowy thats hilarious :rfl: :rfl:

:D PP
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Postby Snowhite » Sat Jan 20, 2007 1:27 am

It was general question time on the "Top of the World" quiz show and the host first asked the Hungarian contestant:

"Complete this line of a song and spell your answer - Old MacDonald had a ...."

The Hungarian answered quickly: "Station - S T A T I O N."

Next it was the Polish contestant who was asked the same question:

"Old MacDonald had a ...."

"Ranch," was the reply, "R A N C H."

Finally the Irishman was asked the same question:

"Old MacDonald had a...."

"Farm," the Irishman proudly stated.

"Correct," said the host. "Now spell the word farm."

The Irishman thought for a moment. "E I E I O."
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Postby Snowhite » Sat Jan 20, 2007 1:38 am

Irishman, Englishman and a German are caught in Saudi Arabia drinking. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" said the prison guard to the Englishman just before lashing him. The English man, being a bit of a cricket fan, asked for linseed oil. When they lashed him on a post and let him go to catch his flight back to London he groaned and crawled to the airport. Next came the German. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" said the prison guard "Nothing" said the German and, after receiving his lashes spat on the ground, called the prison guards Schisers and started off towards the airport. The guards then came to the Irishman. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?" "Oh", replied the Irishman, "I'll take the German".
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Postby Snowhite » Sat Jan 20, 2007 1:49 am

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics but hoped to be able to talk their way in at the gate. Security was very tight, however, and each of their attempts was met with a stern refusal.

While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman came upon construction site, which gave him an idea. Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he presented himself at the gate and said, "Johnson, the pole vault," and was admitted.

The Scotsman, overhearing this, went at once to search the site. When he came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said, "McTavish, the hammer." He was also admitted.

The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up when he spotted his ticket in. Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced, "O'Sullivan, fencing."
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