JOKES ONLY

NO JOKING MATTER! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! PLEASE BE AWARE THAT THERE IS OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE AND IMAGES IN THIS FORUM

Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Strum » Sat Nov 19, 2016 6:02 pm

Jemser wrote:I hear all the building sites in Ireland are at a stand still this morning, as five plane loads of bricklayers head to the USA to start building THE WALL. :lol:


:lol:



2016: Trump elected...

2018: Border wall completed...

2020: Mexico takes Gold, Silver & Bronze in Pole Vault at the Summer Olympics... :lol:
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Toss » Tue Nov 22, 2016 2:39 pm

A GOOD DEAL ...

A friend of mine has two tickets to the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix, at the Yas Marina circuit on the weekend of the 25th - 27th November.

They are box seats and include flights, hospitality, and hotel accommodation. He didn't realise when he bought them ages ago, that this would be on the same day as his wedding.

If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St John's Church, St John's Road, Galway. at 2:15pm on the 26th November. Her name is Janet. She’ll be the one in the white dress.
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Denis Cromie » Tue Nov 22, 2016 5:38 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Jemser » Wed Nov 23, 2016 2:14 am

:lol: :lol: :lol:
I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered. - George Best 1946-2005
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Strum » Wed Nov 23, 2016 2:45 am

:lol:
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Snowhite » Wed Nov 23, 2016 1:33 pm

Good one Toss wuu wuu :lol: :lol:
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby grammer » Wed Nov 23, 2016 2:10 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
sent from my PC and typed on a keyboard (old fashioned black colour) using three fingers
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby jabra » Wed Nov 23, 2016 5:54 pm

:lol:
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby keeper » Wed Nov 23, 2016 10:01 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: Toss ! I suppose you're going on the other ticket :|
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Toss » Wed Nov 23, 2016 10:19 pm

keeper wrote::lol: :lol: :lol: Toss ! I suppose you're going on the other ticket :|


Of course, no better man or should I say ... no better best man :lol:
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby keeper » Wed Nov 23, 2016 10:23 pm

Indeed Toss :lol: yer de man :lol: :lol:
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Toss » Thu Dec 15, 2016 3:49 pm

Two Indian drug users, snorted curry powder instead of cocaine ..... they both ended up in Hospital, one is in a Korma and the other has a dodgy tikka :lol:
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Denis Cromie » Thu Dec 15, 2016 9:06 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby grammer » Thu Dec 15, 2016 9:49 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
sent from my PC and typed on a keyboard (old fashioned black colour) using three fingers
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby skins » Fri Dec 23, 2016 12:42 pm

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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Rocker » Fri Dec 23, 2016 1:11 pm

:lol: :lol: That is brilliant skins. Gas how the media spin can alter any story :lol:

Love the see how this will affect the cost of barns in YOUR area :lol: :lol:
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Denis Cromie » Fri Dec 23, 2016 5:38 pm

Brilliant.Just about sums up how the Daily Mail would cover the story.
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby grammer » Fri Dec 23, 2016 7:20 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
sent from my PC and typed on a keyboard (old fashioned black colour) using three fingers
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby skins » Fri Dec 30, 2016 3:31 pm

Don't know where it originated....but a lot of truth in it!

How many online forum group members does it take to change a light bulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
53 to flame the spell checkers.
41 to correct spelling/grammar flames.
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"...another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp".
15 know-it-alls who claim *they* were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct.
156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy".
109 to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb group
203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb group about changing light bulbs be stopped.
111 to defend the posting to this group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this group.
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.
27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs.
14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's.
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.
33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too".
12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.
19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three".
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
44 to ask what is a "FAQ".
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again....
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Toss » Sat Dec 31, 2016 5:16 pm

skins wrote:Don't know where it originated....but a lot of truth in it!

How many online forum group members does it take to change a light bulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
53 to flame the spell checkers.
41 to correct spelling/grammar flames.
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"...another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp".
15 know-it-alls who claim *they* were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct.
156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy".
109 to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb group
203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb group about changing light bulbs be stopped.
111 to defend the posting to this group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this group.
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.
27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs.
14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's.
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.
33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too".
12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.
19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three".
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
44 to ask what is a "FAQ".
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again....


:lol: :lol: :lol:
add 1 to take the photo and
1m to share in the glory of the achievment on fbook !! ..... everyones a winner :roll:
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Strum » Sat Dec 31, 2016 8:29 pm

:lol: :lol:
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Toss » Wed Jan 11, 2017 9:13 pm

Sister Bernadette wakes up late, she is struggling to get dressed and down for breakfast at 7am. She steps out of her bedroom into the hallway and bumps into Sister Mary ..., she mumbles sorry. Sister Mary smiles and and says ' Oh, guess who got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning'.
Bernadette continued on down the hall and Sister Patricia sees her from the balcony and shouts over 'I see you got out the wrong side of the bed this morning' .... Bernadette's frustrations increased but she said nothing and headed down the stairs. As she got to the landing, she meets Sister Imelda and again she is greeted with 'Oh I see you got out the wrong side of the bed this morning' ...... Bernadette blanks her and heads straight to the breakfast room. As she opens the door, she is met by the Mother Superior who just about gets out 'Oh...' when Bernadette shouts 'YES I know I got out the wrong side of the bed this morning !' ............ Mother Superior looks down and says 'Sister Bernadette, all I was going to say, is that I see you have the Bishops shoes on'.

:oops:

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby keeper » Thu Jan 12, 2017 2:07 am

Ooooooooooooooooops :shock: bet the Bishop looked good in her shoes :roll:
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Rocker » Thu Jan 12, 2017 10:20 am

keeper wrote:Ooooooooooooooooops :shock: bet the Bishop looked good in her shoes :roll:


:lol: :lol: :lol: That set me up for the day....I'm thinking John Bishop wuu wuu
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby jabra » Thu Jan 12, 2017 4:16 pm

As long as its not Des Bishop. evillaugh
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