JOKES ONLY

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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Micheál » Sun Oct 29, 2017 8:28 pm

Nice one Strum!
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Denis Cromie » Wed Nov 01, 2017 5:21 pm

:lol: :lol:
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Strum » Mon Nov 06, 2017 2:19 pm

A foreigner was touring the USA on holiday and stopped in a remote bar in the hills of Nevada. He was chatting to the bartender when he spied an old Indian sitting in the corner. He had tribal gear on, long white plaits, wrinkled face. “Who’s he?” said the foreigner.
“That’s the Memory Man.” said the bartender. “He knows everything. He can remember any fact. Go and try him out.”
So the foreigner goes over, and thinking he won’t know about English football, asks “Who won the 1966 FA Cup Final?”
“Liverpool,” replies the Memory Man.
“Who did they beat?”
“Leeds,” was the reply.
“And the score?”
“2-1.”
“Who scored the winning goal?”
“Ian St. John,” was the old man’s reply.
The foreigner was knocked out by this and told everyone back home about the Memory Man when he returned.
A few years later he went back to the USA and tried to find the impressive Memory Man. Eventually he found the bar and sitting in the same seat was the old Indian only this time he was older and more wrinkled. Because he was so impressed, the foreigner decided to greet the Indian in his native tongue.
He approached him with the greeting “How”



The Memory man replied, “Diving header in the six yard box!!
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Toss » Mon Nov 06, 2017 4:40 pm

Strum wrote:So the foreigner goes over, and thinking he won’t know about English football, asks “Who won the 1966 FA Cup Final?


Oh Strum .... you opened the door there, your Indian memory man speaks with forked tongue .....



:D :D :D

The man that ran onto the pitch was one Eddie Cavanagh (Irish scouser) .... he became more of a legend than the team. I met him on a few occasions at Goodison over the years and he loved telling his story, he claim's he's never had to buy a drink since that day :roll:
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Denis Cromie » Mon Nov 06, 2017 5:28 pm

I knew an Everton fan would put that Indian straight.But then, Everton fans haven't a lot to remember. Never mind Toss, my team, Preston North End last won the FA Cup in 1938,they beat Huddersfield 1-0,and I wasn't even around then.:lol:
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby keeper » Mon Nov 06, 2017 9:56 pm

Wasn't the old Wembley Stadium magnificent, there was just something magical about it, vast arena with great atmosphere, the new one seems much more contained and even the pitch looks sub standard.
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Micheál » Thu Dec 07, 2017 6:18 pm

The portal picture reminds me of the old gag about the Russian Factory where pilfering was rife

The security guards had identified a chief subject who, like the guy in the photo, came to work in a horse and cart full of hay every day and left with it full of hay.

So every day they paid special attention to the driver - thoroughly searching him and meticulously examining the hay - but never finding anything. This went on for years; the guards never finding anything but yet the losses continued.

Eventually, it came to pass that the driver retired. On his last day, the guards called him aside and told him they knew he was the guy they were after and since they could no longer impose any discipline on him, would he ever put them out of their misery and tell them exactly what he was pilfering and how.

The retiring pensioners snapped his whip and urged his horse into a gallop but not before calling back to the guards - "carts"
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Strum » Sat Jan 27, 2018 6:50 am

:roll: :roll: :roll: :mrgreen:



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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Toss » Mon Feb 05, 2018 9:06 pm

A donkey walks into a bar and the only one there is a horse sitting watch the races on TV. The donkey orders a drink and asks the horse would he like one? the two strike up a chat and the horse tells the Donkey that he used to be a racehorse. In fact he said he was very good ... starting out on the flat where he won the St Ledger, Prix de l'arc and the Derby ... before taking to the jumps where he won champion hurdles, gold cups and the Grand National. The donkey was very impressed and the two had a great chat all night. As they parted, the donkey said his wife was a racing fan and would love to meet the Horse and he invited him around to dinner tomorrow evening. The next day, the donkey goes out and buys a picture of a Zebra and just before the horse arrives, he puts it up on the wall. The Horse arrives, all is going well and he see's the picture on the wall ...... curiosity gets the better of him and asks the donkey 'whats the story with the picture as he points at the Zebra. The donkey turns around and says 'oh thats me when I used to play for Juventus' !!!
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Strum » Mon Feb 05, 2018 9:10 pm

I thought mine was bad Toss. :lol:


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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Denis Cromie » Tue Feb 06, 2018 10:14 am

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby keeper » Tue Feb 06, 2018 1:56 pm

That donkey was telling porkies, the best he did was to play for Notts County :roll: :roll:
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Re: JOKES ONLY

Postby Toss » Tue Feb 06, 2018 7:46 pm

keeper wrote:That donkey was telling porkies, the best he did was to play for Notts County :roll: :roll:


haha that was only cause Joeys released him and he figured Bray was full of donkeys anyway :roll: :lol:
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